10 days old

Katelyn is growing already. It is crazy. She has spent the first few nights sleeping in bed with me. Last night, I put her in the pack n play bassinet with a pillow on one side and a rolled up blanket on the other and she slept most of the night in the pack n play, which was nice because I could cuddle with Grant, which I needed.

I am feeling a touch of the baby blues. I feel useless and gloomy and needy. I feel incapable. I don't know how i would be able to do this without all of the help I am getting. I am terrified of going back to work because I don't know how I will be able to juggle it all. I don't know how Grant is so calm about everything. I feel like I am getting decent sleep, but I am still so tired - and I don't know how I am going to manage when I have to get up at 6 for work. I am in awe of how amazing Grant is and how much he is getting done - around our house, in Geoffrey's room, helping my brother and sister with their move - and I feel like I don't deserve someone so amazing. I feel guilty because I am either letting Geoff get away with things or I get mad at him and then feel guilty about it. Sigh. I could go on and on.

Anyways - doc called yesterday and said Kate's bilirubin level was down to 11 something. She wants it checked again on Sunday at which time she thinks we will be able to discontinue the phototherapy.