So we've been putting Geoffrey down for naps in his crib. We let him cry for a few minutes and then go in and reassure him. If we have to do that 3 times, we pick him up, but usually he falls asleep before that.
Usually Grant is here when I put him down. Today, though, I put him down on my own. He cried for five minutes. I know that's ok - that he needs to learn how to self soothe, how to fall asleep on his own - I am helping him be independent - but I felt like such a mean mommy.
So then I went in to reassure him, to tell him I loved him. I went in and touched his belly.... and said, "It is ok - it is just nap time..." and he takes a breat from crying and looks at me... and smiles. Smiles! My little boy who is so upset because he is tired and alone in his crib looks up at me, the person who puts him in that situation... and he SMILES... and it melts my heart... and I feel like crap because I am going to turn around and leave and he is going to be upset again.
I know, I am being dramatic. I know, he will be fine. Indeed, he falls asleep 10 minutes later and sleeps for 40 minutes in his crib. I am a swirl of feelings... pride in myself, pride in my little boy... sadness and nostalgia at how quickly he is already growing... doubt about if I'm doing everything right... intense, intense happiness and love. This was a moment. A mommy moment that feels so incredibly complex and so incredibly simple.
Usually Grant is here when I put him down. Today, though, I put him down on my own. He cried for five minutes. I know that's ok - that he needs to learn how to self soothe, how to fall asleep on his own - I am helping him be independent - but I felt like such a mean mommy.
So then I went in to reassure him, to tell him I loved him. I went in and touched his belly.... and said, "It is ok - it is just nap time..." and he takes a breat from crying and looks at me... and smiles. Smiles! My little boy who is so upset because he is tired and alone in his crib looks up at me, the person who puts him in that situation... and he SMILES... and it melts my heart... and I feel like crap because I am going to turn around and leave and he is going to be upset again.
I know, I am being dramatic. I know, he will be fine. Indeed, he falls asleep 10 minutes later and sleeps for 40 minutes in his crib. I am a swirl of feelings... pride in myself, pride in my little boy... sadness and nostalgia at how quickly he is already growing... doubt about if I'm doing everything right... intense, intense happiness and love. This was a moment. A mommy moment that feels so incredibly complex and so incredibly simple.
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